“You need to be more strategic about how much you give.” Those words from my mentor hit hard as I moved from manager to leader. There I was, thinking my endless support and availability made me a great leader. Instead, I was sprinting toward burnout—and taking my team with me.
Here are three transformational books that redefined how I show up every day as a leader.
1. Give and Take (Adam Grant)
The book sets a framework for understanding the dynamics of “givers,” “takers,” and “matchers.” I was the quintessential “giver” Grant describes—always available, constantly helping, and slowly burning out. But here’s what changed everything: Learning that the most successful givers aren’t the ones who give the most—they’re the ones who give strategically. Another key breakthrough: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you less generous—it makes your giving sustainable.
2. Crucial Conversations
“We need to talk” used to make my stomach drop. Now? It’s an opportunity for breakthrough. This book taught me that the most important conversations are about being building shared understanding and finding a path forward to discuss the C-P-R (Content/Pattern/Relationship) issue at hand. Real example: When a key team member seemed to be missing deadlines, being able to escalate to conversation about a repeated pattern helped us manage the tough conversation about workload and expectations. Result? They stepped up in ways I never expected, and I gained back 3 hours a week.
3. Dare to Lead (Brené Brown)
Brown’s research revealed that vulnerability is not a weakness as many have been taught to believe, but the foundation for authentic connection and trust. Embracing vulnerability and being ready to “rumble” as Brown calls it with thorny feelings and issues creates an opening for true partnership to emerge in any relationship.
The Real Breakthrough
These books go beyond leadership theory—they’re about human connection. They taught me that great leadership is about showing up authentically, setting clear boundaries, and creating space for others to do the same - not giving until you break.
Want your own breakthrough? Start with these books. But remember—the real transformation happens when you close the book and start having the conversations you’ve been avoiding. And that this is an ongoing process that you will get right and mess up on a regular basis. So be kind to yourself along the way too.
Share your leadership journey with me on LinkedIn. What conversation are you ready to have?
